I am not a rapist nor am I a child molester.

It’s a strange world we live in, I’m sure you’re well aware. Today I was in my favourite store (Dollarama. Y0, don’t knock it. Maaaaaaaaad shit there for a dollar.) standing in line, minding my own business, cursing under my breath the snow falling outside. The lady in front of me had a buggy full of Christmas knickknacks as well as a toddler strapped into the cart. I only had saran-wrap, a pack of freezer bags, and a pack of M&Ms (peanuts) and she didn’t offer to let me go ahead of her. Bitch. But that’s not the point of this little story.

The woman ahead of me rushed out of the line to get something she’d forgotten. While she was gone her toddler, a girl wearing a pink jacket and toque with strawberry blonde hair wisping out from beneath it, smiled at me. (all the bitches love EEBEE) I smiled back. Mom still hadn’t come back, but that was fine, the line wasn’t moving because the asshole in front of the woman in front of me didn’t know that Dollarama doesn’t take debit. Anyway, the little girl started to wiggle out of her seat and I feared she’d jump out and smash her melon. So I told her, “Hey, sit still!” She obeyed. While she was trying to get out of the seat she’d some how dislodged one of her booties, so I picked it up and was going to shove it back on her foot when her mom came rampaging like a water buffalo.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTERS FEET!”

I gave her a dirty look and tried to explain. She snatched the boot from me as I tried explained what happened. The girl behind me confirmed. Mother buffalo thrust herself in line and proceeded to ask her daughter, “Are you okay, bear-bear?”

I could’ve stabbed her in the shoulder with my space pen. I was that livid.

I had the radio on while I drove home. I listen to talk radio, 640, 1010, 680… I’m an AM Band whore. They were talking about a policy that an airline in the Netherlands has concerning children who are unaccompanied. I lifted this from News24.com:

Wellington - New Zealand airlines confirmed on Tuesday they have banned men from sitting next to unaccompanied children on flights.

The policy came to light after a man seated next to a child was asked to change seats with a woman sitting in another row.

Auckland man Mark Worsley said he was told by a flight attendant from Qantas - an Australian airline that also operates domestic flights in New Zealand - that the airline's policy stipulated that only women should sit next to unaccompanied children.

Is this what people see when they see me? Am I seen, are all men who are by themselves seen as potential rapists, child molesters, sexual fucking predators? Has the media got us so afraid of each other that this type of gender stereo-typing is acceptable under the dogma of “safety for our children by any means necessary” or have the majority of the world’s population just started to convert to Assholism?

What if I didn’t say something to that little girl and she slid out of the shopping cart? What if she smashed her brains all over Dollarama? What if I just stood there and watched. Was I wrong to pick up her boot? Is that a Dollarama faux pas? I’ll think twice the next time I touch, no, even look or smile at another persons child. Even those two words in the same sentence surely makes some people cringe: “Touch” and “Child”. Do we as a society no longer trust our men?

I really don’t know what else to say on this subject. Anyone?

P.S. On the subject of that airline thing... What kind of asshole sends their kid on a flight by themself? Or rather, if your child's seat is SOME WHERE else on the flight other than near or right beside you, you my friend are a shitty, cheap-assed parent.