↑↑↓↓←→←→ beats Guitar Queero any day.

I’m a gamer. Have always been, will always be. I’ve taken breaks here and there from the gaming world, but I always come back. I remember when games were good. Come on, who remembers Contra? One hit and you’re dead. Step off the screen the wrong way, you’re dead. Got no more lives and playing 2 player, steal one of your friends. Now that’s a real man’s game.

As a child I was the brat that had every system and just about every game. (Everything except for RPGs like FF, those are for homos.) My cousin, when ever we’re together and happen to be meeting new people, invariably, without hesitation, and without regards to the fact that this essentially cock-blocks me for the rest of the night (thanks, by the way) likes to tell the following tidbit concerning my attitude as a child:

When we were younger he had all the coolest toys and all the best video games. Thing is, he was really, REALLY selfish. He liked to hide the good games when we came over and when he finally got bored playing the old games, he’d take out the new games. He also didn’t let us play. Well, sometimes he’d let ME play, but I’d have to wash my hands first and Chris and Matt (our younger cousins) had to watch.

Yea. I was an asshole I guess, but in my defense:

1. I hid the games for the excitement value of it. Play the shitty games for a bit then LOOKY-LOOKY what I got BITCHES!
   
   
2. Yes, I had you was your hand because sweaty controllers were gross and you looked like you masturbated a lot.
   
   
3. I can’t really defend the Chris and Matt thing… Well, maybe the Matt thing. He’d always look at the stats when playing sports games.

Anyway, coming back into the game of gaming (har-har, punny pun) there’s a new breed of game and we can all thank this guy.

This happy fellow is Parappa the Rapper. He's credited with being the star of the first rhythm based game ever. He is responsible for games like the Dance Dance Revolution series, the Pump It Up series, as well as the guaranteed life-time virginity of the fans and players of each game. More recently in the rhythm based gaming scene a new giant has taken the stage. (and by “stage” I mean “couch” and by “taken” I mean “given thousands of jerks all the more reason to sit on”) This game company calls them selves Harmonix Music Systems. THE BALLS on them, EH? “MUSIC SYSTEMS” These jerks just pay royalties to use songs by real artists and musicians, then make controllers in the shape of musical instruments so you can push the right coloured button when it reaches the bottom.

Let's think about this for a minute. What is this new breed of game? Take away the music and the guitar/drum/microphone and what do you have? A bunch of coloured icons stream down the screen, press the right button when it reaches the bottom. Isn’t this just Space Invaders upside-down, with 4 more buttons, and a 199.99 price tag?

I hear you out there, “but the singing! What about the singing!”

You must have never been one of my family gatherings.Karaoke is fine for the first 4 hours, but an uncle, shit-faced, slurring the words, and screaming the words out with the mic reverb set to HIGH. Fuck, you'd hate karaoke, too.

P.S. Rockband/Guitar Hero sux. Play more Halo.