A List - "Things That Do Not Belong In or On A Car"

1. Window Flags in excess of one — One is gaudy enough, two makes your ride look like the main car of president of the ghetto’s entourage.
   
   
2. Park Benches. Don’t even get me started on these things. You know the type, made out of aluminum, looks like it’s been riveted together, and looks like it could seat fifty and should be at a baseball diamond rather than on the back of someone’s car.
   
   
3. Stuffed toys. A few in the back seat are fine, good to keep the kids quiet or to wipe your hands on after diddling the Mrs. But when they fill the entire rear window (which by the way you assholes, it’s not a shelf), or even worse the entire dash, that’s just stupid. Imagine getting into an accident an the paramedics come on the scene? All those fucking toys all over you?
   
   
4. Rainbow Stickers — I don’t need to know you’re gay, you don’t need to know I’m straight; therefore Rainbow Stickers are as retarded as me putting a sticker of coitus on my truck.
   
   
5. The CD Hanging from the Rearview — That's so 1990's. (For those of you who will undoubtly defend the CD, I watched an episode of MythBusters where they debunked the myth that a CD hanging from your review mirror will prevent your car from being detected by police radar. So that's that.)
   
   
6. Furry Steering Wheels — If your car is your car, fine, but please don't subject your brothers or fathers to having to drive with one of these on. It hurts by balls just to think about it.
   
   
7. You Dancing On/Beside/Behind it — Ghost Riding The Whip is stupid. If you do it, you're retarded and I hope you crash your mom's car.
   
   
8. Bumper Stickers that start with "My other car is a..." We know it's not, and it isn't funny.
   
   
9. Static Strips — Pansy.
   
   
10. The Club — If The Club is worth more than your car and you still put it on, you know that uncomfortable self conscious feeling you get when you pass a group of people that are laughing and you think that maybe, just maybe they're laughing at you? Well, in your case, we are.