An Open Letter to Marvel Comics.

Dear Marvel,

Okay. This is fucking bullshit.

I’m just about to sit down with my cup of coffee and write my weekly reaction to the readings in my T.S. Eliot to Missy Elliott course when I get this fucking news from my cousin.

The good news: There is an Ironman movie in the works.

Here’s the bad news: http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/16582004.htm


Justin… fag-fuck-bot Timberlake?!!!!!!

I’ll say it again.

JUSTIN

HOW!

WHY!

MARVEL YOU GREEDY MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!

If this is a joke it’s in poor taste.

First you bastardize Peter Parker with that Toby kid, then you fucking retard-up Mary Jane with that Dunst bitch… Then you cast Halle Barry as Strom (for the titty factor) when you know full well Grace Jones is still alive. Now you want Justin Timerlake as fucking IRONMAN?! What… is that supposed to be fucking IRONIC?!

You guys are assholes.

If you do it, I’m totally never seeing another marvel movie again. I forgave you for the Daredevil shit… I’m still trying to get over Elektra (that’s going to take a while) but if you so much as do a fitting for Timberlake in the Ironman costume, I will never, ever forgive you. I will stop collecting Marvel properties and I will switch over to an independent publisher to get my comic book fix. IDW is looking h0t these days.

Marvel, don’t do it. Find someone else. Nick Cage isn’t doing Superman any more… Benicio Del Toro would be interesting... Maybe even Jensen Ackles from Supernatural, you’d just have to dye his hair or something! Just not Justin. Anyone but Justin. I can’t imagine him playing Tony Stark, multibillionaire alcoholic inventor. 1. he’s not smart enough looking 2. I bet he gets plastered off Shirley Temples. 3. He’s fucking JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE for fucks sakes!

Stop thinking about how you can get teens to love this movie. Think about the die hard fans for once. Try think beyond your bottom line. Come on guys, don’t be assholes about this. Please stop hiring faggy guys to play superheroes.

Sincerely,

N3rd-0

P.S. I realize that with all my complaining Timberlake will invariably become the first Iroman to hit the silverscreen, and sadly it's going to be Nagasaki all over again. FUCK. I once had belief in this crazy, mixed up world of ours, but the more I look at it, the more screwed up it looks. Planes crashing into buildings, Fire drills in schools are being replaced by "Lock-Down" drills, Tony Danza getting a daytime talk show (and people seem to like it) and now this... Satan is shivering, hell's starting to freeze over.