With this many cousins, it was bound to happen. pt. 2

In the ongoing saga that is my extended family, another chapter has been begging to be written for the past week or so that I have not yet been able to fully get down in binary.

A quick rehash of what’s happened since last I wrote:

My cousin got married (congratulations), I sang at the wedding, danced like no one was watching, and went home stuffed and happy to be alive. A couple days after I went away to a cottage with my girlfriend and her friends and came back after 4 days relaxed, tanned, and rejuvenated. No sooner did I log onto the internet did all those nice feeling go away.

The long of the short is this: Some person sent my cousin an anonymous e-mail concerning her wedding. From what I’ve been able to gather from a patchwork of various sources is that the e-mail said something to the tone of: You didn’t allow your mom to participate in your wedding... you'll be a mother soon and you'll know how it feels, and finally an assortment of criticisms aimed at her husband. Apparently this really upset my cousin. It upset her so much so that she called her mother early in the morning, while on her honeymoon mind you, to cry about the e-mail.

Now you’re asking yourself: okay, then what?

Well, since I had asked my cousin’s mother “What’s the groom’s family doing since we’re doing all the work?” sometime before the wedding while we were sitting around putting together a center piece; this has made me prime suspect for sending this anonymous and mean spirited e-mail.

What’s the fucking logic there, may I ask?

Obviously the person who sent this fucking e-mail doesn’t know shit because if they did know shit they would know how much shit was done by my side of the family in preparation for the wedding, and how much my cousin’s mother was involved in all the tedious behind-the-scenes wedding action. A question: Since I was the only one that asked the question on everyone’s lips, namely, "What the shit is the groom's family doing?" would it make sense for me to all of a sudden change my modus operandi and start firing off an e-mail? That's not my style. If I were going to say shit I wouldn’t do it in an e-mail. I like the sound of my own voice far too much for that shit.

To make matters even more soap operaish, my cousin’s brother (30 years old) sent me an e-mail before I knew I was the Ace of Spades in the E-mail Terrorist Deck. His e-mail read: “Dude, have you seen the film maria full of grace?” Completely random, but I dismissed it because my cousin is weird. [(Weird in a cool way (his cool points are currently under review for the moment)] As a reply I sent back, “No, I haven’t. And what a completely random inquiry. (????)” he sent me back this lovely gem:

not entirely random dude. someone wrote a nasty email to *sister's name witheld* while she's on her honeymoon in london (where the bombs went off) and it really upset her so now i'm trying to figure out who it is so i can straighten their face out with my fist.

With hindsight enabled, knowing now that at the point in time that my cousin sent this e-mail that he had it in his head that I was the one that sent the anonymous e-mail, I can only infer that the comment “so I can straighten their face out with my fist” is directed at the person who wrote the e-mail, more specifically, in the accuser’s mind, me.

1. I don’t respond well to threats.
   
2. If you’re going to fucking accuse/threaten/attempt to tip my tank do it to my fucking face, or at the least have the balls to call me.
   
3. E-mail is for pussies and pedophiles.

Maybe I’m over-reacting, maybe it wasn’t a threat. Maybe it was a call-to-arms. If I’m over-reacting it’s because I have no ill will towards my cousin and her new husband, with that said, for them to randomly accuse me of something this fucking childish is fucking bullshit in my books. If I’m over-reacting it’s also because this is just like what I wrote about in “With this many cousins, it was bound to happen. Pt 1”

Come to think of it, there seems to be a recurring pattern here: My cousin tells her mom, her mom trips on everyone else, and my cousin keeps her hands clean. That was fine when we were kids, but we’re fucking grown now. If you want to say shit to me, if you want to accuse me, you say it to ME not to mommy.

Finally, if you’re reading this, Cuz’ some advice:

Toughen up kiddo. It’s just an e-mail, it should take more than that to rattle your cage. If you’re truly fucking happy, then be fucking happy. That's the best revenge for wedding ill-wishers.