Pride + sloth + gluttony + wrath + envy + lust + greed = iSin

Next time you’re out in public, be aware. Around you there are people committing the Seven Deadly Sins in plain view. It’s easy enough to spot them, just look for the tell-tale signs: The head-nodding, the humming or mouthing of words, the patting of knees or tapping of feet, but all, if they haven’t taken the time to further conceal their heathen ways, is the unmistakable, easily identifiable white-corded white-earbuds.

I know what you’re thinking. “There he goes again, jumping to conclusions for shits and giggles.” No, I’m being serious this time, people.*

The iPod is the, albeit convenient and attractively packaged, tasters pack for the Seven Deadly Sins.

With the aid of what I'm able to recall from Sunday School, let’s go through the SDS.

Pride

This one is easy enough to see if you travel along the vain of vanity. People pride themselves on how close they are to capacity on their iPod harddrives. They pride themselves on the accessories they bought, “Have you seen my new lexan case? I could drop it off a building and it wouldn’t hurt my iPod!” And don’t even get me started on how supportive they’re being of the music industry. (iTunes is for chumps)

Sloth
Some say the entire point of being industrious is to produce more time for leisure. (the poor, poor robots) When you’re lounging pool side, or having a giant bonfire (Derek), who needs to be bothered with the hassle and time consuming act of changing CDs? With the iPod just lazy it up and rotate, click click, play!

Gluttony

The standard rule of thumb is that a minute of mp3 encoded music takes up about a meg worth of harddrive space. (For those techno geeks out there, yes, it does depend on the quality. STFU) The largest iPod offered on the bestbuy.ca site having a 30 gig harddrive lets do the math.

1 gigabyte = 1,000 megabytes
30 gigabytes = 30,000 megabytes
30,000 megabytes = 30,000 minutes of mp3 playing
30,000 minutes / 4.5 minutes (avg. song length) = 6,666.666667

6,666 songs. Unless you’re a trucker, who needs a glut of music such as this? (and is 6,666 really a coincidence?)

Wrath
Ever drop someone’s 500 dollar iPod? Try it. You’ll see wrath.

Envy
With the new generation iPods, old generation owners will exhibit envy. What with the probability of coloured screens, built-in cameras, and wi-fi... it’s a given.

Greed
What else would you call someone that hordes such a large amount of anything?

Lust (my personal favourite)
I must say, I’m quite partial to the look and feel of the iPod. The way it click-click-clicks when you rub its areola-like circular-interface, its milky complexion and shiny hiney, and the way it reacts to light petting… who wouldn’t lust after this mp3 whore?

So be aware, faithful readers. Sinners are abound.

*no i'm not. this is for shits and giggles, but you knew that.