As American as Apple Pie, Baseball, and Fucking a Pit-bull

Perusing the daily shit-fest that is the internet these days, I came across an interesting article that told the not-so-gentle love story between a young man and his neighbour’s dog. In Spartanburg, South Carolina a Campobello teen is accused of raping one neighbour’s dog as well as another neighbour’s two little girls. While there’s nothing funny about the little girls getting raped, and I feel that the punishment should literally fit the crime (ie. Someone greasing up a baseball bat and shoving it up Williamson’s rectum) there’s something intrinsically humorous (humorous in that car-crash-just-can’t-look-away way) about the idea of 17 year-old Cory Williamson literally fucking a dog to death. In the article the dog’s owner, Sylvia Jones was quoted, “At first when it happened, I couldn’t eat or sleep. Every morning I’m waking up thinking Princess is there but she’s not.” She went on to say, “The vet told me she had a little blood in her urine and that she was bleeding inside.”

Of the alleged incident involving Princess, Williamson, and his obviously gargantuan manhood, Sylvia said that she and her husband would not have believed Williamson raped Princess exactly two weeks to the day she died had they not seen it with their own eyes. “When I got here we were laying on the deck looking at him and he had his pants down and he was doing sexual activity with the dog like a man would do to a woman.”

3 things immediately come to my mind.

1. Why were Sylvia and Husband “laying” on the deck watching all this?
   
   
2. Why did they lay there and watch instead of yelling, “HEY YOU! STOP FUCKING MY DOG!”
   
   
3. The phrase “…he was doing sexual activity with the dog like a man would do to a woman.” reveals something of the nature of Jones and her husband relationship if one were diligent enough to take the time and picture in their mind the scene that Sylvia related, that of Williamson doggy-styling Princess. First, that’s a pretty fucked up thing to see at any time of the day. And Second, it seems that doggy-style is up there with the missionary position in terms of frequency of use in the Jones household. "Sexual activity... like a man would do to a woman", huh.

Sylvia, you freak!

Meanwhile, in the downtown core yesterday, Toronto Police officers were forced to pull their guns and fire upon a dog that attacked a 16 year-old boy. David Crow, before the attack, had entered the home of a friend’s without first knocking. The 12-year-old Pitbull-Terrier-German Shepherd mix named Shade chased 16 year-old Crow down the street and eventually tore into his leg. A near by film crew beat the dog with tripods to get Shade off of Crow, and shortly after the dog was filled with led by Toronto’s Finest.

Back to Princess for a moment. When I read this story I could not believe my eyes when I saw the type of dog that Princess was. I was expecting something within the Toy Dog genus, but what I got when I saw the now deceased animal was unbelievable. Now keep in mind that I don’t own a pit-bull, and I’m not 100% sure, but I know someone who has one and Princess looks exactly like it.

I guess the old adage is true (is it an adage or am I just making shit up again?):

You can tell a lot by a nation’s youth.

While the youngester here in Canada are getting mauled by the pit-bull breed, a breed that we in Ontario have now banned because of the alarming rate of maulings and killings by pit-bulls, American youth are fucking their pit-bulls to death.

Don’t tell me that’s not good symbolism for something. Long live the American Cowboy.