I'm so happy little Suzy still plays with dolls...

.....Christmas is quickly approaching. In a mere 6 days of this posting girls all over the world between the ages of 5 and presumably 12 will be, by 10 a.m., dressing and undressing their new dolls straight from the North Pole. While many mothers and fathers will be happy with the fact that their little girls are still playing with dolls and have not (yet) become maniacal cock-hungry prosti-tots, the sad, sad reality is that these naive parents have no idea what these dolls ingrain in the impressionable minds of their daughters.
.....As if Barbie wasn't enough to fuck with the self-esteems and body images of little girls world wide, doll maker MGA Entertainment jumps into the ring with their line of BRATZ dolls. Now I'm not a feminist, and I won't be bagging on the doll industry for creating unattainable standards of beauty. That, my friends, is for the lesbians to do. And nor am I a misogynistic Neanderthal that thinks women should look like barbie because they are, in fact, objects.
.....But yes, Barbie is freaky. It all starts when you go past the Barbie aisle in Toys 'R' Us. Side-swiped by the neonishly-pastel hot pink that is the barbie trademark, you try to shield your eyes from the glare. Aside from that, if Barbie were scaled to human size, would be 7'2" with a 40" bust, a 22" waist and 36" hips. That's hot.
.....These new dolls, however, are much worse. While plastic surgery would probably be the only way to go about achieving Barbie's unattainable measurements, BRATZ, on the other hand, boast consumer driven slogans such as "The Girls With A Passion For Fashion!", That-Is-So-Yesterday expressions, highly over done make up, and as the doll line name implies, Bratty Attitudes. All of which are more easily attainable than Barbie's gargantuan measurements.
.....Only bad can come of this. I foresee more molestation allegations for R. Kelly. Poor, Robert.
.....Teaching little girls that it's "cool" to be a bitch is not beneficial to them. What would be would be to teach them when being a bitch is of use. But these companies really don't give two squirts of piss about you, your children, or how it might damage them. What they care about is that you collect these dolls, buy their fashion accessories, and whatever else the marketing team can concoct. One thing about Barbie though, at least some of the dolls were given professions, like "Nurse" barbie, "Teacher" barbie, "Firefighter" barbie, and "Desert Strom Commando" Barbie. (The last two I made up, I don't know jack shit about barbie except that their hair doesn't grow back.)
.....Wanting to find the whoriest doll in the BRATZ lineup, I went to their website. While the page is loading its flash-based interface the preloader animation reads "Please wait... it takes time to look this good."
.....Uh-huh.
.....After waiting patiently for the page to load I was then confronted with a few choices, each of which lead me to another loading screen, "Forget it" I said, and went to the internet surfer's favourite tool: Google. As always, Google yielded many images of the dolls in question, of which I've come to this final conclusion:

ALL THE DOLLS LOOK EQUALLY WHOREY

.....For all my bitching about Barbie being freakishly disproportionate in the previous section, I really never had a problem with Barbie. She's a fine product of which can easily explained to a young girl that Barbie is not real, that Barbie is an idealized version of what a woman can, not should, be. It might also be of interest to note that Barbie was originally created and sold to Men as a sex-fetish type toy. Put that in your easy-bake oven and smoke it. (thanks, Phil)
.....The BRATZ line of dolls, however, I would like to insert anally into each member of the development team at MGA Entertainment without the aid of ky or astro-glide. The fusion of "girl power" with the consumeristic values that the dolls tote are appalling. The over use of make-up on the dolls is repulsive and will probably result in many young girls being mislead in the cultivation of their aesthetic beauty. The skimpy outfits that are packaged with, and can also be bought separately are overly provocative for a toy for young girls.
.....So, if you want to turn little Isabella into a cock-smoking, cake-facing, lip-glossing, belt-as-a-mini-skirt, bra-stuffing, eleven-teen year old make sure Santa leaves some of these little bitches under the tree on the 25th.

.....Addendum (20-12-2004): Don't get me started on the male counter part of the BRATZ, the BRATZ BOYZ. If I see any boys playing with these metrosexual dolls I'm going to report their parents to the nearest social worker.