Poetry - Wince
You only say I love you
When on top,
Inside,
All hands.
You grunt it in my ear.
posted by n3rd-0 @ 10:40 AM
5 comments
n3rd-e
For the educated irate.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
When on top,
Inside,
All hands.
You grunt it in my ear.
5 Comments:
The scene here is pretty straight-forward, but what you're trying to "do" in this piece is not so much. I dont mean that in a bad way tho, it's actually very, very good.
There is miles of subtext in this piece! There is a setting, an action, there are characters, perspective, feeling, and a complete lack of tenderness.
It makes me wince to think about how many women only hear "I love you" when they're getting fucked.
thanks for the... critique?
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